I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize