He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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