so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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