Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is it penis luge time yet?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
