Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
