4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
