Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
