My hand turned me down
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
