I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
