just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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