Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
