Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
