Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
A+ Viking dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
