it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
