If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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