you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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