so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Randomize
