Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
