Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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