the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
