you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
