I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am spending my child support on dildos
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
