the condom got lost in my hair
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
