who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
