so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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