I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
