Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
