Your face is a jimmy john
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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