I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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