apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
