When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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