he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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