I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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