honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
