That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize