What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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