I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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