PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
