That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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