I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
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He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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