my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
