I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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