Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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