Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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