oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
