I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Even my vagina gasped.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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