You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
