If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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