we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
