My nipple is on Facebook.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize