My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
