So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
