I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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