i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Pooping to opera.
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