Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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