I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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