im drinking this country out of the recession.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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