you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
