Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
